Saying Goodbye

Hanging out with mom in her room for the last time

 On August 11, 2014 my mentor, my hero, my mom went back home with her Heavenly Father.  We were able to have a very special weekend with her before she passed away.  While we were eating dinner on Saturday night (Aug 9), my dad called me and told me that they were having a hard time waking mom up so they called the nurse, Julie to come over.  She told dad that mom probably had about 2-3 days left to live.  That phone call took me by surprise.  Even though she has been sick for so long,  I didn't think the end was that close.  I had been at her house the Tuesday before and I had no feeling that she was going downhill so fast.

Dad trying to hear what mom was saying

We cleaned up dinner and piled in the van to go up to see my mom.  When we got there, she wasn't awake and she was breathing very loud.  We all sat in her room.  Lisa and her twins were there.  Within and hour Holly and Paul and their families arrived.  I called Parry, who was at a Real soccer game, and told him what was going on.  He came over with Shella, Xavier and Joel.  We were sitting on her bed and in the chairs by her bed.  Some people were standing but almost everyone was in her room.  The home health aide, Sephora, tickled her feet and moved her around to wake her up.  She opened her eyes very wide.  I imagine it could be scary to wake up to see so many people staring at you.  I remember her saying "I have a great family!" We took turns having the grandkids sit by her.  Some talked to her and others just sat by her.  When Katie came over to her, mom's eyes lit up and she said "You are so pretty".  Katie just kept hugging her.  When Kierra came to sit by her, mom said "You just keep getting prettier and prettier". 

I just sat by her and looked at her and remembered all the wonderful things about her.  She is truly my hero and I owe her everything.  She never had a bad word to say about anybody.  She is the most selfless person I know.  Her entire life was devoted to her family.  I only hope I can be half the mother to my children that she was to me.  We all left their house around 11:00 that night.  I came back to their house on Sunday after sacrament meeting.  Dale and the kids stayed home this time.  They all felt like they had a nice goodbye the night before and were ok for that to be the last one.
When I got to their house, I could hear her loud breathing as soon as I got out of my car.  Julie came again that day and suggested that we increase her levels of morphine to make her breathing quieter.  She thought that would make everyone, including my mom, feel more comfortable.  Julie didn't think she would make it through the night. I spent most of the day going through mom's photo albums to get pictures for the video that we would show at the funeral.  It was a hard day because mom wasn't awake very much.  Dale came up there at dinner time to hang out with us.  Holly, Paul and Lisa were there with their families.  Before Dale came up, the bishop came to visit mom and luckily she was awake.  Before he left, He gave her a kiss on the forehead.  Dale came in the room right after that and said "Boy, you look bright eyed!" She said "Well, the bishop just kissed me!" I love that she kept her wit until the very end.  We just hung out together all night.  I was trying to decide if I should spend the night there.  I had the feeling that she was not going to die in the middle of the night so I went home so Jadon and I could start working on the video.

Dad looking at mom just minutes after she passed away

 I got up at 7:30 and left by 8:00 to go back to mom's.  Lisa slept there and Holly and I got there at the same time.  We just sat in my mom's room.  She wasn't breathing loudly anymore and she was asleep.  Julie was there again and she told us that today would be the day.  We decided that, as soon as Salote got there, we would all go to the funeral home and pick out her casket.  It was a quick trip because Dad picked it out quickly.  When we arrived back home it was about 10:30.  As soon as we walked in her room, we could tell something was different.  She was very peaceful.  Lisa decided to iron mom's temple clothes.  Salote was just sitting next to her bed and holding her hand.  Holly and I were sitting at the end of her bed.  All of a sudden, Salote said "I think she's gone"  It was very peaceful.  She didn't make a noise at all.  Lisa went to get Dad, who was talking to Doris in the front room.  Doris and Dad both came in.  Doris started crying and saying how much she was going to miss her.  Dad just stood and looked at her and cried.  Salote was wonderful about attending to mom.  She rolled up a towel and put it under her chin.  She took off all the tubes and wires that were hooked to mom.  She placed her hands together on her stomach.  She looked so peaceful.  I called Parry and only said two words to him.  He said he would be there in 20 minutes.  Lisa called Paul and told him.  They both arrived at the same time.  We all sat in mom's room, for the last time with her, and cried.

Kierra's balloon for Grandma

After the mortuary came and got her, we spent the rest of the day discussing the funeral.  It was a really long stressful day.  Too many decisions that had to be made too fast.  It was decided that the funeral would be on Thursday August 14, 2014. 

Monday night everyone, except Paul Adams who was out of town, came over for a remembering Grandma FHE.  Dorris contacted a bunch of people from the ward and they brought dinner to feed us all.  It was amazing!  Each grandchild wrote a memory or something to Grandma on a balloon.  After they shared what was written on the balloon with the group, all the grandkids let the balloons go at the same time.  It was very neat and a perfect way to end the day. 

We love you grandma and will miss you!

Katie had no fear about seeing Grandma's body.  She went right up to her and touched her and talked to her

The viewing was Wednesday night at Mom's stake center.  We got there early to set up and just before the funeral everyone sat together and watched Mom's video.  It turned out really nice. 

I loved how the casket spray turned out

All of Mom's kids

When we got home from the viewing, this is what we found on our porch.  I was so touched to find that so many people cared about me and my family.  It really meant a lot.  My friends also brought dinner into our family for two nights.  It was really sweet.

Holly, Lisa and I putting her temple veil on just before closing the casket

We had a viewing for about one hour before the funeral.  This was much harder than the night before.  I think it was because I was feeling very anxious about speaking.  Several minutes before they were going to close the door so that we could have the family prayer, I got very nervous and shaky.  I remembered that I hadn't eaten anything that day.  That probably wasn't very smart.  Dale was chosen to say the family prayer.  He said a beautiful prayer.  It was very hard for me and I was very emotional.  After the prayer, Lisa, Holly and I went to put mom's veil on.  I couldn't take it.  I was sobbing by this point.  Lisa tied it under her chin and asked me if I wanted to cover her face.  I couldn't do it.  I shook my head and left to my safe place, Dale's arms.  It was one of the hardest things I have ever been through.  I had no idea it was going to be like this.  I knew my mom's time was short at the beginning of the summer so I thought I would be better prepared when the time came.  I didn't watch them close the casket.  We then filed into the chapel for the funeral.  I didn't know how I was going to make it through the talk because I was shaking and having a hard time breathing.  Luckily, Lisa and Holly went before me.  They both gave great talks.  They talked about the funny things mom had said and done.  I'm so thankful that I was able to laugh before I had to get up to speak.  My talk was short but I felt like I couldn't speak for very long.  I was emotional in my talk but it went better than I thought it would go.  I basically talked about what a wonderful example my mom has always been to me.  I felt so relieved once my talk was done and the rest of the funeral went by and was beautiful.

I love my family!

The handsome Pallbearers

carrying the casket to the burial place

All mom's kids again

When we picked out the casket spray, we asked the florist to put 25 yellow roses in it so that each one of mom's grandchildren could take one home.  This is all of them, except Brooke, Camren and Mitchal with their roses

After the dedication of the grave, we all went back to the stake center for lunch.  It was so nice to sit and eat and visit with everyone without feeling stressed.  When we went home that night we were exhausted.  The next week was hard.  I think of my mom constantly.  I find it ironic that almost every night for the next 10 days there was a rainbow in the sky.  I like to think she sent them to all of us.  Little things make me miss her.  I was shopping at Target and saw some white chocolate M&M's.  I almost picked up a bag because I was use to getting those for her whenever I saw them.  I will always think of her when I see them.  The day before I was getting Katie ready for her first day of Kindergarten I realized that Katie will be the first grandkid that mom isn't here to buy her first day outfit for.  That made me really sad. Not because Katie won't get the outfit but because my mom isn't here to give it to her!  I feel very blessed to have such a wonderful mother!  She was an amazing person who was kind to everyone and had no enemies.  I truly think she doesn't have any regrets in life.  She lived her life serving everyone she was around.  Heaven is lucky to have her!